I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
