did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
