don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
