Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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