I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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