Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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