so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
