i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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