no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
