She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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