I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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