In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
