Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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