never play flip cup with pint glasses
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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