I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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