nut hugger
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
