I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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