he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
