3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
