My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
