apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
