I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just found puke in my bra..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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