Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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