Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
