Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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