I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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