My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
