I wish I could teleport
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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