Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
