He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
