just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
