Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
