Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
