I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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