the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
