Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
