She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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