Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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