Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
