Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
