God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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