I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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