Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
