He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
