Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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