You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
