when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
