I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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