Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
