3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
