I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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