oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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